She did what? Oh my I can't believe it.....

Yes, ladies, we have all said that. I have at least once today for sure. We are all gossipy women, right? So what is really behind all that gossip? Judgement? Hurt? Hate? Who knows. I went to an amazing conference called Thrive this weekend. It was so fun and I met so many new women. I even Zumba danced for about 2 minutes. The main speaker talked a lot about judgements and first impressions and pleasing society. For the last year I have really been working hard with God through this process. I see a woman I and I instantly judge her, hair to short, too little make-up, shirt too low-cut, wrong nail polish, etc. I really am quite the witch. But ultimately what my heart is saying is, I wish I could wear my hair that short, if only i could leave the house without makeup, if I was skinny enough i could get away with low-cut, I would like a tramp if i wore nail polish. How many of you do that too?

On Sunday we had family night. I had the kids each do something without a part of them. For example, no elbows, knees, sight, touch, smell, hearing, etc. Kevin put make-up on Nick, Nick put toe nail polish on Kevin, Giovanni had to get up with no bendable knees or elbows. You get the picture. I used it to show my kids the importance of every part of our bodies. God knew what he was doing when he created us. We just sometimes forget.

I admit, my self-esteem is pretty low. For those of you who know me, you know my darkest struggles. I struggle with food addiction. I know it is a problem, and God and I are working on it. I know people from my past look at me and say "Wow, she got fat!" And they are right, in many ways. It used to consume me all the time, but now I am starting to learn that who I am is not determined by people in my life, but by my Creator. I have chosen to eat unhealthy. I could continue living my life blaming my abuse, my ex-husband, and other bad people who hurt me, but ultimately it is up to me. I am redeemed and restored through Christ. I have to constantly give up myself to him, to die to myself, just so I can live again. Someday I will probably have my weight under control, but for now, I trust the Lord is putting in motion everything that needs to be done in order for me to continue my relationship with Him. He loves me no matter what I look like, and that is all that matters.

"Let your light so shine before men that He may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

Phone voice

Do you all have the "phone voice"? You know that voice that comes out in the midst of a rant when the phone rings? "What do you mean you didn't see the harm throwing large rocks at car?" Ring ring. "Hello? Oh yes, now is a good time. Oh goodness thongs are wonderful here!" You say this is the most pleasant tone as you run your finger across your through in a you-see-do-dead sign. My husband, bless his heart, loves to point out my phone voice.

It got me thinking, do I have a God voice, too? When I pray do I pray differently depending on who is in my presence? I think I do. It makes some sense. I would pray for the spirit of evil to be released and renounced in front of my four year old and I wouldn't pray for dreams of butterflies and pink monkeys with my friends. But, what about when I am angry. Do I pray angry too. My husband and I are bad sometimes about praying for her attitude to change or him to start listening. Instead of that we should be praeing for their healing and restoration back to Christ.

I have to remember that God doesn't use a phone voice with me. He didn't pour fire on Sodom and turn to Egypt and say "oh aren't you cute with your flooding farming techniques." No, He is the same today tomorrow always. Through His anger there is love. There is no condemnation if you are in Christ. He loves me for me. I am so grateful for this.

So the next time I find myself surrounded by my life chaos, and you are calling, I can't guarantee o will answer the phone very pleasantly.

Whatever ... Philippians 4:8