Revelation

Do you ever have those times when something nags at you for a while, and then you get a revelation of Ahhh, I should have listened a long time ago! That is what I have been going through lately. The Spirit has been nagging me about a few things lately, and a lot of it came to light today. I was sitting in a church service this morning, and the pastor talked about all of our "secrets" should be brought to light. Now, my fear grows when I think about being real with others. "What will they think of me? Will they still be my friend?" But, then I realize it isn't their approval I seek, but Gods. He was there when I made mistakes, He already knows where I was every step of my life. He is light, and all my sins and the sins against me are known to Him. So, what should I fear? Nothing, yet I still do.

I have some decisions to make over the next few months. Decisions God is leading me through, but sometimes i stop in my tracks, not wanting to go on. Thankfully, I have been surrounding by a group of amazing women, their families, and my family urging me to open up and trust God. I am ready for this step. I am tired of hiding behind my past and my hurts. It molded me into who I was and who I am, but it does not determine who I can be in Christ. Only God can do that. My choices, my actions and those of others has altered my entire life. Abuse, control, hate, hurt, alcohol, drugs, sex, loss, love, needs, wants all have led to one thing - FORGIVENESS in Christ. I have made so many poor choices, but God has redeemed and freed me from the bondage that used to hold me down.

Yesterday I celebrated my birthday with my family (minus the two on their honeymoon). God has brought me out of the muck into the light of being surrounded by ones who love me for who I am - mistakes, weight, tears, annoyances, all of it. God has blessed me beyond measure. He has reached His hand out to my loved ones and blessed me with each of them.

I was reading in Revelations 3 today and the church of Sardis reminds me of so many churches and people I know or have been involved in. On the outside alive, but deep down on the inside dead. I have lived like this for so long. It was easy to show others how "alive" I was, yet underneath it all I was so hurt, shameful, guilt-ridden, angry, lost, scared, alone, isolated. No one knew. I wasn't living to the full extent God created me to do. Thankfully, He was gentle with me and opened my eyes to the Truth. Through this process I have also seen God's answer from other Godly people and churches to show me truth (2 Thessalonians 1:4). Through this I was able to live in freedom, as I continue to do.

There is so much out there to hurt us, deny us, persecute us, and hate us. We have to hold tight to His promises and His calling. We don't have to answer to man, but the one who created us - God. So, I will continue to live in my chaotic world, praising God for every part of my life. I will continue to search where I am to go to next for Him, and Him alone.