Why you not?

Why you not? That is a common sentence in our house from our lovely six year old Ahnika. “Why you not make Sophia do dat?” “Why you not put lotion on Daddy?” She is so inquisitive, and comparative. My sweet little girl has the biggest and most joyful heart. Her nickname is smiles and Little Miss Sunshine. Most of the time she is happy. The thing I love about her the most is she wears her emotions on her sleeves. I can always know how she is feeling based on her eyes and facial expressions. There is truth behind her. I pray that innocence, the trust, the love of life does not diminish as she realizes the world does not see the same things she does.

 

When I watch her, I have to ask myself, when did I lose my innocence, my zest for the little things, my joy. I can pinpoint many times in my life when I was hurt, scared, lost, and wondering if there was more to life than what I was doing. I have shared a little bit of my story with some of my family and friends, but who really wants to know the hard stuff? What will people think of me if they knew the real me? I have created a perfect solution – I became someone different than what God had originally designed before my sins and the sins of others changed me. Funny, though, how God always wants to draw us back to His original creation in us. The beautiful girl, innocent, full of love, joy and grace. The nurturing and forgiving woman who strives to find others who just loves her. He is creating a new heart and body in me. He has sent me women who say “Wow, that sucks that happened to you. But, how does that make me not want to be here for you?” I am really starting to see that I am loveable, I am funny (yes, see yesterday’s post), I am worthy, I am a masterpiece, and I am a princess – God’s daughter. My husband loves me for me, my friends still call me (of course I don’t answer or call back because that is who I am) and text me, my kids light up when I get home, and God smiles when he watches me. It doesn’t matter that I am afraid of rejection, or that I have many addictions, or that I don’t read my bible everyday, or that my house is NEVER clean, or that I have a weight problem, or that I can be critical of others, or even that I sometimes am a hypocrite. They see past all my scars, my wounds, my bad choices and they see me for me. Sometimes when I don’t even see me. I am so thankful for the my close group of people who have been here for me over the last few years as I have started to shed off the old me and put on the new. I am free in Christ and loving it! I don’t need to ask God “Why you not” anymore, but instead I get to say “Thank you for!”

 

So, Lord even in the midst of screaming, tantrums, addictions, hurt, you show that out of my chaotic life there is beauty, grace, mercy and LOVE. 1 Corinthians 13 is alive and present in my life thanks to all those who are traveling this crazy journey with me.